By Adilah Stone
Hi. My name is Zachariah and I’m 11 months old. I just need to have a vent about my mother. I mean, I’m usually a pretty sweet kid but lately I’ve been losing my shit like ten times a day.
She just doesn’t understand me. Every time I get her attention she just tries to rub this stinky shit on my gums or make me drink some toxic crap. When really all I want is dad. D.A.D! How many times do I have to say it! I go to his office door calling and knocking and she just comes and takes me away!
What. A. Bitch.
Don’t get me started with dinner! I’ve played her games up until now but she just keeps trying to make me eat with my hands, all this big stuff that I’ve gotta chew too. How many times do I have to tell her, Give. Me. Stewed. Apple!! And geez is it really that hard to get me a spoon!
And yes I feel abandoned. She’s always knicking off to help that loud little narcissist running around or mucking around in those cupboards I can’t reach or just living it up on the toilet. Just take me with you and give me that toilet roll to chew on! Geez! Is that too much to ask!
And don’t get me started on our sleep and nap issues! Just let me sleep on the boob, why she gotta always try ‘transfer’ me? Seriously! She goes on about me gnawing on her nipples all night and won’t let me nap on the boob coz she’s gotta take care of that brother kid. But seriously, he can take care of himself, I’ve seen him eat with a spoon AND make the right sounds to get what he wants.
Anyway enough about him. She is just being selfish. I’ve tried to sleep train her. But she doesn’t get it. She tries to confine me in this wrap thing that is really just like a bigger nappy and I’m so over it! If boob is too hard then just drive me around in the car for an hour. But she always says she’s tired and it’s dangerous to drive like that, but I’m like, just down some more of that black shit and get that motor purring!
Anyway, I know you guys all have mothers so you’d understand.
Sorry for the rant. X
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