What is with the fear that something we do as a parent may actually be important?!?
Yet another one of these posts is doing the rounds trying to give us all a ‘Get Out Of Jail Free’ card from the very real impact we make as parents and I just can’t stomach it anymore.
This particular one went viral and I totally understand why and I actually tried very hard to just get on board and like the shit out of it but I can’t because it’s not true.
The choices we make and the hand life deals us and our families DO matter and do have an effect and therefore should not be downplayed as mere ‘thoughts’ in our head that do not matter.
Anyone who had a less than ideal childhood, anyone who has dealt with a narcissist parent, anyone who has attachment issues and relationship problems stemming from their childhood would tell you, parents and how they treat their children DOES matter!
Loving them IS enough IF that child actually feels the love and benefits from the loving, connected relationship with their parents.
Loving unconditionally within your own heart and mind is one thing but true love without conditions only lives when it is felt by the one that you love.
I feel so saddened that any mother who breastfed for 2.5 years, coslept and babywore any chance she got could feel that at the very young ages of 3 and 6, that her efforts have not manifested themselves in such a way that she feels what she did to mother her babies and young toddlers was worth it or even matters.
Don’t get me wrong, the author of this status is in no way looking for my pity. She sounds very happy with her conclusion but it is this implication that upsets me because it seriously undermines the value of the efforts of mothers currently putting their heart and soul into their babies and wondering if it is all worth it and then they read this and suddenly think, ‘F#%^ it, none of the sacrifices I am making will ultimately benefit my child so why have I worked my arse of to maintain my breastfeeding relationship despite heavy social pressure to wean, why don’t I just throw my baby in its cot to CIO, it won’t effect my baby long term and screw having a 6 year old who still wakes. While I’m at it, that baby can also learn to sit quietly in the pram, babywearing isn’t helping them long term and screw trying to introduce a wide ranging healthy diet, they’ll end up eating like shit anyway. I also want my kids to behave so maybe I better get tougher now.’
What a freaking cop out.
I don’t make my parenting decisions for my baby or toddler based on how they will behave at 3 or 6 years of age. This is a long term game.
I am fully aware and in agreement that MANY things about my children and who they will ultimately become will have NOTHING to do with my parenting. Absolutely. There is so much about my boys that is already evidence of this.
BUT this does not absolve me as a parent from my own role to play.
All these things that are downplayed here and in many similar posts are actually central to the way I choose to mother because they (through no mistake by nature) are what my baby and toddler NEED from me at this age and stage to feel unconditionally loved and cared for.
IF I was unable to breastfeed, or safely cosleep, or babywear, or provide a wide range of healthy nutritious foods, I would do my utmost to acknowledge where the weak spot is and look into ways to meet these needs with the best alternatives I could find. My responsibility remains.
Why, oh why, are we so freaking obsessed with avoiding any thought process that may result in guilt? Guilt is not something to be scared of and is not something we need to allow ourselves to be consumed with and is absolutely not something we should be so desperate to disguise and avoid that we go around looking for ways to go get around it.
WE ARE ADULTS! Adulting is tough. Parenting is even tougher. You don’t get a get of jail free card from me. You don’t need one.
Own your decisions, own the cards you’ve been dealt and do whatever you need to do to make sure those babies of yours needs are met and they feel every bit of unconditional love you feel in your heart.
Mothering and mothers matters.
Never underestimate the impact you are having. Your effort, time, love and patience are not in vain.
Keep at it mamas 💙😘
💙Enjoying reading Grubby Mummy articles? Join us on Facebook 💙