Sometimes we all need to lose our shit to regain it. This includes toddlers.

Sometimes we all need to lose our shit to regain it. This includes toddlers.

You know that feeling, the one where the anger, the sadness, the tension, the stress, the noise, the irritation, the frustration, the tiredness, the overwhelming need to just burst takes you right to the edge and tips you over?

I do.

I also know that when this feeling builds and builds it ultimately ends up with me completely losing my shit.

I yell.

I cry.

I swear.

I stomp.

I punch a pillow.

I slam doors.

I hide.

I shake.

I rage.

I cry some more.

I can’t hold it in anymore.

I am just so done. So over it.

It bursts out of me.

Control is gone.

I rage.

I cry.

I then breathe.

I apologise.

I may cry some more.

I cuddle.

I apologise. I try not to make excuses but try to articulate the feelings that lead me to blow my top.

I hate losing my shit but for me, unless I get on top of it sooner rather than later, it is often inevitable.

When the overwhelming feelings win out … I have to lose my shit to regain it.


I am not proud of this fact but I also don’t think it’s entirely unhealthy. I am human after all.

Life can be tough sometimes and it can be hard to catch the break you need to regain composure. To let go of the feelings that are building.

I’m sure most adults reading this can relate to this. We all lose our shit sometimes. It’s not pretty but it’s real. I doubt many of you upon reading this would think I was being naughty or manipulative or that I needed a smack or some other form of discipline despite the fact that I was for all intents and purposes having a giant adult sized ‘tantrum’.

Most of you probably thought, ‘oh hell yeah, I’ve been there. Some days are so tough. You just can’t help but lose your shit sometimes.’

You can relate.

And yet, we seem to have so much trouble accepting that our toddler’s meltdowns are legitimate cries for help when completely overwhelmed by emotions. They have no choice but to let it out. To explode.

What may seem minor to us like my toddler losing his mind because the baby put his train track in his mouth, to them can simply be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Big feelings, small feelings, big upsets, small upsets, big frustrations, small frustrations … They can build and build and build until just like us, it’s simply all too much. The only way to disperse some of the stress and tension is to lose it.

So next time your wee one melts down, try to look at him with empathy. Let him rage without you adding fuel to the fire. Support him. Show him you know how hard it can be to keep it all together. Comfort him. Listen to him. Help him find his calm through the storm.

Our little ones have far less, if any, emotional regulation. It must be terrifying to lose the plot with no skills to regain it.

Let’s come at them from a point of empathy. After all, our perfectly imperfect little ones are human just like us. Let’s not hold them to a higher standard than we expect of ourselves. Sometimes, we simply have to lose out shit to regain it.


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GUEST BLOG- Today is a better day

GUEST BLOG- Today is a better day

By Sarah 

After the mayhem the day before

We had a very causal morning. He likes to run around the house naked before he gets dressed, which is currently one of our biggest battles. The heater is on so this morning I didn’t fight it. I ate my breakfast and scrolled through the photos on my phone. 

We ran out to the grocery store for a few things. He wanted a ‘Jacob roll’ (cheese and bacon roll) which is our treat when we do the groceries.
When we came home we just relaxed. I got the slow cooker on and he played in the rumpus room and watched ABC kids.
Mum called to check how he was as yesterday meant we cancelled plans with her today. His Aunty checked to see how he was today.Daddy messaged and called to see how we were.My response was that he is really good. We are just home doing whatever he wants.


He went off to sleep watching his favourite shows on ABC kids while cuddling into me. He has woken and called my name. He cuddles into me again and drifts back to sleep.
I have things that need to happen, washing to hang, fold and iron, roast dinner to prep and place in the oven, washing to come in off the line, the list does go on.
However today I choose to just be. 

I napped with my little man and now I lay by his side until he wakes. 
I choose to slow down and just be with my son. 

We have danced and sung. 

Talked and played. 

Cuddled and laughed. 
Today has been a great day.
I know there are days and will always be days were I feel I fail as a mother. Or that I’m shit! I have yelled and screamed at my innocent little man. I feel such guilt and remorse and promise I will not do it again.

I apologise to him and he always forgives.
I think I need to apologise more often to me, too. I need to forgive me.

Each day is a lesson and it is my job to make sure I learn and remember. 
I love being his mum. I feel it’s why I am here. 

This is what I was meant to be.

GUEST BLOG- Sometimes, mothering is shit …

GUEST BLOG- Sometimes, mothering is shit …

By Sarah 

The silence was deafening.Some offered help.

I didn’t want any.
Melt down doesn’t even come close to what was happening to my son.
The car ride home, short in distance, today felt like a never ending highway.
Once it was over he was still sobbing while asleep in my arms.
Heartbreaking! Disarming! Depleted! 
Am I the shittest mother in the world? 

In my eyes, yes! 


I am his mother, I am the one that is meant to make everything all better. 
He is almost 2 and a half years young. 

Will it ever get easier?
Wonder week,regression, lack of sleep, milestones, stages, illness, teeth, phase, intolerance, allergy, change, growth spurt, mood or just because…
Motherhood, as rewarding as it is can be can be the shittest job in the world sometimes.
I write this thinking about the people who would respond by saying…
You have a healthy child, you should be grateful!Think about all those people who can’t have kids, you should count your blessings.

This is true. 

But for me, today mothering is shit!
Tomorrow is another day and I am grateful for that. 
Let’s just hope we have a better day tomorrow.  

And then there was peace.

And then there was peace.

I have had one hell of a 24 hours with my babies. No great tragedies or events that need to be detailed. Just more the kind of time where every little thing that can go wrong does. Every turn you take there’s a hurdle. Every time you stop to breathe, someone cries.  


My 6 month old is particularly intense right now. I could hazard a guess at a few developmental reasons why if I could have been bothered but in truth, I was too tired today to work it out.

I hit survival mode at about 7am this morning.

Once I’m on survival, it’s really never going to be my best day. Not because I’m being careless but more because quite often, I only feel like I can offer my physical self to my children. The mental and emotional part turns inward. I go into pity party mode with lots of, ‘I swear they hate me sometimes.’ And ‘of course you had to wake up, can’t let mummy have two seconds to herself.’ I lose my empathy switch. I race through the day, just waiting to get that precious time for me. Just me. I am not present. I am not in tune. I am out of sync.

I can recognise this happening but quite often, I can’t turn it off. Not until I get the chance to reboot. Had the stars magically aligned and my babe’s sleeps had overlapped, I may have reset. They didn’t.

It was a long, relentless let’s just freaking do this kind of day.

My toddler was unusually quiet and my baby whinged, whined and moped all day. They wanted and needed their mum. Physical mum just wasn’t enough.

But then came bedtime for baby. Nope, fake out. But then came second attempt at bedtime for baby. Nope, fake out.

He is never hard to put to bed. Ever.

But then I put him down for one last play to wear him out and for the first time today I really watched him. There he was in all his grizzly glory on all fours desperately trying to crawl to me. The frustration was raw on his face. He knows exactly what he wants to do but his little body is still figuring out how to do it. Eventually he crumpled to the floor and burst into tears.

My empathy switch lit back up. My poor tired, frustrated, hard working, learning baby boy was shattered.

I carried him back to his room and we danced our slow dance in the dark until I could feel his calm. I then put him to my breast and remained present as he started to nurse.

His beautiful face. Those lashes. The little hand clutching my finger. The other hand stroking my back. The sound of his breathing. The sound of his suckling. The sound of the quiet little sighs as he slowly surrenders to sleep. I feel his weight deaden. He has found his peaceful rest.

After a day of mayhem. A day of tears. A day of frustration. A day of confusion. He returned to his safe haven and his safe haven returned to he.

I was lost at times today and so was my sweet babe. But this is home. This is where we need to be. In sweet synchrony. Him and me.

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To give a shit or not to give a shit? That is the question…

To give a shit or not to give a shit? That is the question…

As many of you would have gathered, I take this mothering gig very seriously and strongly believe that ‘giving a shit’ about the important stuff is absolutely essential. However, I do believe there is also a lot of peripheral ‘shit’ that is simply not worthy of our time, effort or brain space. Here are some things I seriously don’t give a shit about … Some I used to care about, some I used to obsess about, some barely entered my radar…

1. Duration of day naps

• Seriously, who gives a shit. I used to. Back when I was sucked into the vortex of trying to make my baby sleep the ‘required’ amount of sleep in chunks that are seen as essential to get quality of sleep but also to give mum a good break I absolutely DID give a shit, and you know what I got for all hours, days, weeks and months of obsessing and dedication to the cause? I got to go bat shit crazy, I got angry, I got frustrated, I got disappointed, I got tired. I most certainly did not get a baby who said, ‘oh, ok mum, sleep time is it? Rightio, well just time it right, tuck me in, shush me a little and I’ll drift off and give you 2 hours to yourself.’ Was it worth my time, effort or brain space? Hell no! With this baby, I seriously couldn’t give a shit. I get him down when he’s tired. If he wakes after 20-40 mins who actually cares? He sure as shit doesn’t. I have a toddler to get around with so even thinking of trying to resettle is limited to the baby’s lunchtime nap (if he has one) while the toddler is sleeping, sometimes I can sneak a boob in and get the baby to give me a good long snooze, other times he happily sucks away and finishes with a big milk dribbly grin that says, ‘nice one sucker!’ Some times he’s a bit grizzly and probably could have done with a bit more sleep, once again, who cares? I simply get him back to sleep a bit later when he’s good and ready. Oh, but don’t I know that ‘sleep breeds sleep’? Um, yeah. I’ve heard that one many times and actually it’s complete and utter horseshit. Maybe, some babies do sleep a bit better if they have these whopping great day naps but there are many babies who sleep perfectly well at night who run on catnaps and kips through the day. Some of these catnapping/ kipping kids do sleep like shit at night too, but you know what, it’s got sweet bugger all to do with the days. They are who they are. My two are a total mixed bag right now and I see absolutely zero correlation between ratty days and ratty nights vs good days and good nights. They like to mix it up to keep me on my toes.

• One thing I simply can’t get to the ‘I don’t give a shit’ stage with is waking a sleeping baby! It seriously upsets me. Big shout out to all those mamas doing daily school runs and having to disturb sleeping kids! What a freaking nightmare!

2. How baby gets to sleep or back to sleep

• Cuddles, carrier, boob, pram, car whatever works, I’ll do it. Getting a baby the sleep they need in the way that works best for them is all I give a shit about. How I do it, I could not give a shit. Is it always convenient? No. Do I sometimes wish my babies would just be popped down and drift off peacefully? Sometimes (although I know I’d actually miss the cuddles most of time). But babies aren’t here to be convenient. They are little people, with busy minds and an intense need for comfort. I sometimes struggle to get to sleep first up at night, or after I’ve ducked to the loo and for me day sleeps are extremely hit and miss. Sometimes, I am awake for hours, tossing, turning, feeling frustrated about the fact I should be asleep. Sometimes, sleep doesn’t come easily to me. And yet, we expect total consistency from our little ones … If they take too long, or fuss about or ask for extra help to get to sleep, we so often feel cranky with them. Particularly if you feel like you’ve given all that you have to give. But they aren’t doing it to drive us bat shit crazy. They are having trouble. They are human. Give them the help they need to get the rest they need. It’s that simple. I don’t give a shit how.

3. How often my baby feeds- day/ night

• Yeah, so, I can’t actually tell you an answer to this as it varies so much day to day, night to night. And you know what? I don’t give a shit because this is exactly as nature intended. A breastfed baby feeds/ nurses in an erratic fashion because it meets virtually every need they have, from nutrition to comfort, to sensory input, to immune building and many more. This can not be timed or timetabled and nor should it be. Who actually gives a shit that my baby who went 5 hours yesterday with out nursing wanted boob 3 times in an hour this morning? Certainly not I.

 


(Courtesy of The Milk Meg)

 4. Where I feed

• I feed/ nurse wherever and whenever my baby needs. I don’t give a shit where this may be. Home, bed, park, shop, church, pub, café, playgroup, beach, train … Wherever. Whenever.

5. Having a spotless house

• I do cheat this one a bit because I got myself a cleaner (seriously a life changer if you can afford one, get one!!)

• Despite having a cleaner, there is still the endless day to day cleaning and tidying you have in any house with two adults, a toddler, a baby and a big hairy bugger of a dog. There’s always loads of washing, dishwasher to stack or unstack, plastics that won’t go through the dishwasher, tidying after a never ending snacking and playing toddler, sweeping up dog hair of a dog who seems to be malting year round etc etc. There was a time where I would not have dreamt of having people around to visit or for a meal unless I had my house in order … Now, they’re lucky if they can find my sink and you know what, I actually don’t give a shit. My friends and family know and love me anyway and anyone else, I couldn’t care less. My house will be clean and tidy again one day … Probably when the boys leave home.

  
6. Feeding my toddler only home made healthy foods

• Yeah, I seriously don’t give a shit on this one. My husband and I are healthy people. We have a healthy lifestyle and diet. Having said that, we both love our food. Sometimes the food we eat isn’t exactly top of the line healthy. Sometimes it’s downright naughty but you know what, we aren’t big people because we out weigh the bad with the good and we have a healthy attitude towards food and eating. Since we are a family who embraced Baby Led Weaning, my toddler’s diet very closely resembles our own (sans wine and coffee). I was very conscious of his salt and sugar intake prior to turning one and to an extent I monitor it now but mostly, we just eat. My little Grubby Bubby will soon be joining us for meals and fingers crossed he is a cruisy little eater too.

7. How much or what my toddler chooses to eat in any one sitting

• This one is one I was surprised to find my self almost alone on with my family and friends. I have fully embraced the idea that it is my job as mother to provide my children with food and it is their job to eat it. This idea sits particularly well as a breastfeeding mother, as up until the introduction of solids, I had trusted my baby to control the when and how much side of eating so why would I stop trusting him now?!? Sometimes my first guy ate a lot in a sitting, sometimes he ate bugger all. Sometimes he became obsessed with one type of food and refused all others. I just kept putting a range of food on his plate and he decided what he would eat and how much. I refuse to buy into mealtime battles. My babies don’t HAVE to eat anything. I will not bargain and I will not threaten. I refuse to give a shit about something beyond my control. I know sometimes there are other issues at play here and I have been very lucky to have not had to face an underweight child or one with many aversions, however, I would hope that even if I did, we could find a way to allow the child to still control their food intake because after all, listening to your own body is a key part of learning to eat what you need to be satisfied as opposed to an empty plate.

8. Toilet training

• Of course, we will have to do it but I’m just not into it being a battle. I don’t give enough of a shit. I’ve been told that when your toddler is ready, it will be easy so call me lazy, but I’m waiting for the easy! We do all the lead up groundwork everyday but currently my guy is simply not ready. He’ll get there though and in the meantime, I refuse to stress about it.

Looking back on this list, I am relieved to know this is not where my head is at. As a mum it can be so easy to get bogged down in the nitty gritty. Hard to decipher the things that warrant our time, energy and head space. It is okay to let some things wash. Working out what is actually important and also what is within my control was a big part of my surrender. It’s liberating to simply not give a shit sometimes.

  (Source Unknown)

What have I missed that you’d add to this list?
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